I browsed through my old and dusty books and saw 3 specially covered notebooks. They are my diaries written since I was about 11 til I was about 15. I have read them over and over and laughed and cried. They were supposed to be my secrets. A few years ago, I let my sister read them. She was actually hesitant at first but I didn’t want us to keep secrets from each other. Maybe if she read my thoughts when I was in early adolescence, she’ll get to understand why I am as crazy as she thinks I am now. Haha!
I found out that my mother arranged the books in the cabinet and they were not in the same place I kept them. I got nervous and thought maybe she already read them. I know I shouldn’t feel any different and make it a big deal because she’s my mother but I feel like some pieces of me were taken away. My parents have always respected our privacy. They don’t open our cellphones and read our messages or view our pictures (I think) and I am grateful for that. Who knows? She has probably seen and known all of my supposed secrets, but something in me still longs for privacy. I guess I am just getting old.
| Guys Like That You’re Sensitive |
And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way
You just get most guys - even if you’re not trying to
Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets
No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships! |
I was just wondering, if I were another person, will I fall in love with a person like me? I mean, if I were a guy for example, will I like a girl like me? I don’t know. Maybe or maybe not. It just popped in my head when I was contemplating of ending a 4-year pseudo-relationship with someone I really love. I realized nobody ever courted me in a way that he can tell my parents face to face that I’m THE ONE. Nobody. I guess I am not that easy to love (romantically speaking).
I’m over-sensitive. Blame it on my zodiac sign. I’m 100% Ilongga so I can be sweet and soft-spoken when I want to. I’m a bit touchy-feely as well but that’s just me. My friends thought I had lesbian tendencies when I was in school because but I liked a lot of men who turn out to be gay. I still do but I’ve fallen in love with men and I am quite secure with my sexual preference. I have male friends and I would like to think they also *somehow* enjoy hanging out with me. I mean, they find it interesting if we share common tastes for books or movies or tv programs or music. That is it. I’m the "best friend" or "just friend" material, I guess.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for a boyfriend. I am still having a tough time with this so-called boyfriend of mine and I don’t want any more complications. I would actually prefer being single than being stuck in something I can’t completely understand. I just wonder, that’s all.
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